Being saved at the age of fifteen, and called into full-time Christian service, the burning desire of my heart was to do God's will. After completing high school, college, linguistic training, a course in nursing and other preparation in the mission field - none of which met the needs of my life - the Holy Spirit filled the void. He was the preparation for the mission field, for life or for death.
During my second year on the mission field, I met, and was greatly attracted to, a missionary who loved the Lord and had a true call upon his life... but he was divorced.
One of the clearest passages in the Bible concerning divorce is found in Luke 16:18: "Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery." The verses immediately preceding are quite interesting, and are addressed to the Pharisees. In our time, no one thinks of himself as a Pharisee. Yet, one day the Lord opened my eyes to the shocking revelation that I fit perfectly into this despised category as described in Luke 16:13-19. Four traits concerning Pharisees are listed in theses six verses:
1. They were covetous (v.14).
2. They derided His Word (v.14).
3. They justified themselves (v.15).
4. They highly esteemed that which is an abomination in the sight of God.
Several months before meeting the one who was to become my idol, a little tract was sent my way which gave such logical reasons why there are exceptions to the Biblical teaching of divorce and remarriage.
As my ears listened to those words and considered them, my eyes were blinded to their intent to arouse pity and sympathy for the unfortunate whose marriage ended in divorce. The reasoning used in the tract was "Would a loving God desire or require such a bereaved woman or man to be deprived of a mate for the rest of their life?"
So, then, when my husband-to-be entered the picture, the ground had already been plowed and sown with the seed of doubt. Did God really mean what He said in the clearest statements in the Bible on the subject of divorce and remarriage?
"Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery" (Luke 16:18).
"Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another committeth adultery against her, and if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery" (Mark 10:11,12).
Reasoning is one of Satan's effective weapons. How easy to reason away obedience to the Word of God. The eternal purpose for this life is not so much that we should be happy, but that we should be holy. Yet, there can be no true happiness apart from righteous living. The Scriptures say that the wise will listen to the Word of God; the simple pass on and are punished. From tragic experience I can affirm it is much better not to argue with, or reason away, God's way.
Thus my mind was prepared for the next move of the enemy. "They were covetous" (Luke 16:14).
The Bible says that covetousness is idolatry (Col. 3:5). Any time our allegiance is divided we are in trouble. Idolatry is something that divided our allegiance. Satan had done his homework well. Already he had sown the seed of "hath God said?" in my mind. Already he had put feelings of compromising pity in my heart for the "innocent" party, and surely God's love for him was much greater than a human love could ever be. Surely He had made provisions for him to remarry and be happy, and I was to be the instrument of that happiness. Satan's jokes are most cruel. I found myself deeply interested in this one who also longed to serve in the kingdom of God. Why wouldn't our combined efforts be more effective than either single life could yield? How easily the enemy can cause us to dodge the Word through reasoning. Step number one, covetousness, had been taken. At this point, I began to seek council from the most dedicated Christians I knew. Some saw that divorce and remarriage on any ground constituted adultery, according to the Bible. Others believed there were exceptions. I fasted and prayed a great deal seeking God for an answer directly from Himself; but, although I diligently sought a word from Him, no word was given. Nothing. Complete silence. Only later did it come home to me that it is vain to seek a rhema from God when He has already spoken clearly in the written Word. Yes, a word may come which contradicts what He has said in the Scriptures, but that Word comes from the wrong source. I now know that I was without excuse. He had given guidance through the Scripture; yet I listened to the deceiver - deriding His Word (v.14).
From there the descent was rapid. Quickly I traveled on with the Pharisees to verse 15, desperately trying to justify ourselves because this case was different. Yes, every case is different but the Word of God stands forever, unchanging and unchangeable.
Although I would never have admitted doing so, nevertheless by entering into marriage with a divorced man I was highly esteeming that which was an abomination unto God (v.16). Adultery heads the list of sins of which it is written in Galatians 5:19 "... they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God" (Gal. 5:21 v.).
"Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, now abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners shall inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Cor. 6:9,10).
There is a way out of sin. There is cleansing in the precious blood of the Lord Jesus and there is power over sin in that same blood. The Holy Spirit convicts of sin and the only way to have peace and forgiveness is to confess and forsake it. A degree of false peace can come, it is true, if we deliberately refuse to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, and our conscience becomes seared.
The first year of our marriage we were both very much troubled in our spirits. My husband said that the only thing we could do was to confess that we had sinned and to ask God's forgiveness, and go on from there. For many months following, he still had no rest in his spirit, although he tried to put it from him. How I wished that it were true and how gladly I would have followed the same procedure; but nothing would still that quiet small voice which reminded me that "whosoever shall confess and forsake his sin shall find mercy." My life was crushed. I knew I was continuing to grieve the Holy Spirit. I knew I was living in adultery... but I did not have the courage to leave the situation.
For sixteen years I remained in the valley of decision, knowing I was living in disobedience; yet held captive of the enemy. During all these years I fasted and prayed much. How I longed for full fellowship with my Savior, but the wall was always there. the peace of God did not reign in my heart, nor in my mind. Even fasting and praying brought no word of comfort or consolation. The heavens were as brass.
One morning after the children had gone to school, I was out in the kitchen washing dishes. Suddenly a voice sounded. It was not a loud voice, yet it saturated and filled the whole room. It spoke five imperative words: "Set your house in order." Simultaneously there was a revelation of the meaning of this message, the clear knowledge that I was to walk out of sin. Further disobedience would mean my life. In that instant I knew that my time in the valley of decision had come to an end. Obedience could no longer be put off into the dim future.
The only reason I could respond with "Yes, Lord; please show me the way" was that for several weeks the Lord had been restoring my first love for him and bringing me into a much deeper fellowship with Him than I had ever known before. How gracious he is to prepare our hearts before he asks for our Issac!
There followed several months of waiting for God to show me the first step. Waiting for His direction, but now willing to follow. We were in Mexico preparing to leave the mission field because my physical health was too bad to continue teaching the children.
A few days after arriving in Texas, I went to see Dad Ewing, (a Godly man), because God had promised to confirm His leading through him. "Oh Sister," he responded, "you don't worry about that. You are now in the marriage state."
"Then what does Luke 16:18 mean? What does Matther 19 mean? What does Romans 7:1-4 mean? What does Galatians 5:19-21 mean?"
We talked on and on. He finally said, "Yes, it is true. You are living in adultery. But what can you do?"
Deeply frustrated and confused, I arose to leave and Dad Ewing said, "The only solution I know of in order to forsake sin is for you to live together as brother and sister until the children are grown, so that they will be not so deeply hurt."
He told me that many times when new people walked into the church, the Lord would show him, as pastor of the flock, if there was a hindering sin in their lives. Upon different occasions the Lord had in His way shown him couples who were living in adultery although they presented themselves as being married. He added that he counseled with them accordingly, but that he had never counseled them to separate if they had children.
There followed an inner struggle which I could not understand. I did not realize that Satan was battling for my will under the deceptive words, "You know you can not live that way." Actually, his words were true, but his intent was to use my powerlessness as an excuse for disobedience.
But God, in His great mercy, reminded me of a precious truth. Such a a simple truth, but oh, the power it contains. That is the "right of choice." If we look at the impossible requirement, and in our worldly wisdom knowing there is absolutely no way it can be fulfilled respond, "I will not," then God lets us go on in our own way, for he will not trespass against our wills.
But when in our weakness we cry out, "O God, I long to obey you, but I cannot," then God's grace avails. "My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness" (II Cor. 12:10).
If we will not, God cannot.
If we cannot, God can and will.
Some days afterward, late in the night, I made a total commitment, accepting what I was fully persuaded to be the will of God and entering into it from that moment.
Many who divorce and remarry seek to find some Scriptural ground for doing so by looking to the most controversial verses in the Bible upon that subject. They hope the clause "except for fornication" (Matt. 19:9) somehow forms a loophole through which they can escape from the passages that are clear.
A careful search through the writings of the early church fathers and the various accepted commentaries reveals disagreement concerning the word "fornication." Both Webster's and Century dictionaries give as the first definition, "illicit sexual intercourse by unmarried persons." The second definition is adultery. Some commentators agree with this definition while others disagree.
Matthew 19:3-9 is most interesting. Do we really want to know God's revealed will on this subject or are we desperately seeking an "out" through some Biblical passage? At any rate the Pharisees came to Jesus tempting Him and asked, "Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?" Jesus answered, "Have ye not read that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female? For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." The desire of Jesus was to stop divorce and remarriage and teach the permanency of marriage. Had not His Father said in Malachi 2:16 that He hated divorce?
Although the Pharisees understood perfectly from Jesus' words that divorce was evil, still they sought to justify divorce and remarriage, and asked, "Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement and to put her away?"
The response of Jesus went to the very root of the problem. "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it was not so." (Italics mine). God's wonderful plan for man was rejected because of the hardness of men's hearts. It is still being rejected for the same reason.
Before going on to verse nine, we need to settle it within our hearts that Jesus will not void the principle which His Father established: "... and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore they are no more twain but one flesh." Neither will He recall His commandment: "What therefore God hath joined together let not man put asunder."
According to Deuteronomy 24 the man could put away his wife for uncleanness committed before marriage but only discovered after marriage. Deuteronomy 22 states that the woman found to be no longer a virgin at marriage should be stoned. The Lord Jesus never commanded anyone to be stoned, not even the woman caught in the act of adultery. He did tell her to go and sin no more. She must reap what she sows. In Matthew 19:9 Jesus said that the social penalty for her iniquity is that if she marries a man and he discovers that she had committed fornication before marriage that he husband can put her away. How we need the fear of God in our lives. That would solve the whole problem. "The fear of the Lord is clean..." (Ps. 19:9).
To any who might be contemplating marriage with a divorced person, I would urge you to reconsider. The situation is more involved than meets the eye. There are things which cannot possibly be foreseen nor understood beforehand.
Finally, dear reader, if you are now snared in the net of divorce and remarriage, there is a way out. While there is still life there is yet the opportunity to turn that life completely over the its Maker. God himself will lead you and show you the way if you are willing to forsake all and follow Him.
Forgiven
R.R. 1, Box 239-E
West, TX 76691
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